Professor Lefty of the Institute for Advanced Lesbian Studies has announced the completion of DNA mapping of the entire Hobby Airport bath house district...Although many critics expected the map to resemble a straight line from the beginning of time until today (much like Professor Lefty's own family tree with no branches), some surprising facts have developed...
As an example, the study looks at a former deputy and now bath house security guard whose lineage was traced back to the legendary Nanookie of the North, a fierce red-haired midget lesbian with a shrill, annoying voice whose main joy was found in making life miserable for every weapons merchant that crossed her path...The same genetic code found in Nanookie's remains is present in the security guard and her progeny...
The familiar double helix which represents DNA is a puzzle itself, since it seems to be wound in the opposite direction in poofters when compared to heterosexuals...The helix in transgendered Hobby Airport citizens seems to wind back on itself like a mobius strip...
Professor Lefty's own DNA more resembles a ladder, indicating it could go either way...The Professor says his results warrant further study, and has asked the Obama administration for additional funding which he promises won't be spent in liquor stores and topless bars this time...
He wants to concentrate his study on what he describes as an anomaly in his research...His comparison of the DNA of an elderly, eccentric retired civil engineer with that taken from ancient beer bottles and tools linked to his family shows it to be identical, indicating that it all came from the same person...
The professor said the evidence was extracted from what was first thought to be a landfill, but is now believed to be the layered remains of the retiree's ancestral home...When asked how the same person could have lived all those centuries, the professor answered, "I dunno, the smelly old dude looks like he could be that old, but maybe I shoulda changed my calculator batteries before I added it all up"...
Depicted below is an artist's conception of a lesbian dance party in the prehistoric Hobby Airport era...
No comments:
Post a Comment
Comments are welcome...Malicious messages and spam attempts will be removed...Keep it clean and let's have fun...