Professor Lefty of the Institute for Advanced Lesbian Studies has astounded the archaeological world with his latest findings...His team's exploration of an ancient cave system in the wilds of Lezzania turned into real excitement as they realized they were standing in an ancient dentist's office...
Dr. Lefty's research assistant and former attorney/girlfriend, the Cascade Kitchen Counselor, explained, "Each little room had a stone chair with a little spit sink beside it, but until we saw all the drawings of wild game and fish on the walls of the big cave, we couldn't determine their purpose...Then I realized they were the earliest editions of Field & Stream ever known"...
In those days, adult publications were displayed with the family material, and depicted among the mastodon hunting articles were several drawings of prehistoric fish engaged in sex...Professor Lefty added, "Since our studies have not found any earlier indications of recreational sex, we have determined that sexual activity originated in flounders and catfish"...
The professor said that time-and-motion studies revealed that since there were far more female fish than male, lesbian sex was introduced approximately 28 minutes after hetero sex...He then presented evidence of tiny petrified beanbag chairs and Cheeto bags to prove that the few male fish enjoyed witnessing the sight...
Professor Lefty said his research will be continued slightly longer than originally intended when it was realized that the Cascade Kitchen Counselor still had her ankle monitor attached, and she may have unintentionally left her halfway house without the knowledge of her probation officer...Meanwhile, another group of scientists led by chief researcher, Dr. RHM, are exploring a Neanderthal bath house district in neighboring Faggonia, assisted by a group of very friendly and helpful male baboons...
The apes are in fact so helpful, they become aggressive when Dr. RHM attempts to wander away from the group...Pictured below are a group of the very affectionate apes attempting to coax Dr. RHM back down out of a tree he hurriedly decided to climb...
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