Dr. Lefty of the Lesbian Propulsion Laboratory, and one of the world's leading authorities on crabs, states that even if the monster crab were an authentic find, it doesn't pose much of a threat until it decides to walk into public restrooms and houses of horizontal refreshment where it can attach itself to unsuspecting patrons...As a longtime observer of crabs, Dr. Lefty says even the ones with legs on both sides rarely grow bigger than a quarter inside the confines of their natural Fruit-of-the-Loom environment...
He also states that they may have beneficial uses, "In my house I rarely see a cockroach or a mouse as the crabs find them to be a delicacy"...The doctor also doubts he'll ever encounter an ocean-living crab as he avoids water at all costs except that which is required to brew medicinal quantities of Hamm's beer...
However, two well-known sport fishermen have decided to try their luck at capturing the giant sea creature for the record books...Famed stalker of woodland prey, Bigolddeerhunter, and retired adventurer and part-time insurance executive, Nox, will team up to net the crustacean in Nox's boat, the SS Happy Hooker, with its all-lesbian crew...
If they are successful, they expect to serve it up with the usual barbeque at an upcoming Bilgerat Festival...Pictured below is Nox showing off his dinghy to his crewmates...
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