A suspect has been apprehended at the scene of a local museum after he allegedly broke in...The Braniff Street Piano Roll Museum was the scene of the incident in which the suspect was caught while loudly asking, "Where's my waitress?"...
The man, identified only as "Lefty" pending arraignment, told police he was coming home from his job at a nearby bath house, and mistook the museum for a Dunkin' Donut shop which was due to open shortly before dawn...Said Lefty, "The sign said 'rolls' and I was hungry for a garlic roll...Next thing I know some babe in a bathrobe is beating me over the head with a Louisville Slugger"...
The woman turned out to be the daughter of the museum proprietor who lives on the premises, a mansion built by the owner in the early 20th century and repurposed as a museum to circumvent zoning laws...As it turned out, the suspect lives with his brother in a converted shipping container behind the mansion, and is said to be several months in arrears in rent payments...
Alcohol is thought to have been involved as two 40 ounce Hamm's beer cans were found in Lefty's overcoat pockets...The museum night guard, off-duty midget lesbian Deputy Dumpy Bunny made the initial arrest, but could not immediately explain why her handcuffs were lined with pink fur, such as those found in porno sex shops...
Charges are still pending as the museum proprietor, a retired advisor to the Houston City Council, says he will give the suspect a chance to make restitution and pay his back rent before deciding to press charges...
Shown below are several of the antique pornographic piano rolls stored in the "adults only" section of the museum...
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