In this late-breaking (and wind breaking) news item, we have learned that a woman hired for a bachelor poofter party was impaled during an accident on her way to work...The unnamed woman was texting her employer (identified only as "Lefty") to tell him she was running late...
While navigating through the Spec's Liquors drive-thru to pick up extra party supplies, she became disoriented and tried to back out through the entrance...The resulting crash caused her to become impaled through her buttocks with her own stripper pole...
Stating "the show must go on" she arrived even later at the party, and performed some new and un-rehearsed dance moves during her performance...Saying that although she expected to be impaled on the host's pants pole before the evening was over, she still planned to file a worker's comp claim for the incident...
Lefty offered no comment when asked if she received any tips, or whether she would be called upon again for future engagements...
Accident investigator Dan adds this update, "Lefty, who has impaled dozens of poofters, and an occasional pizza-delivery boy, says he has no comment on the lady getting a barber pole up her fundio."...
Bulletin: The woman, identified as Ophelia Plushbottom, told reporters she would be seeking legal advice as soon as Lefty's post-dated, out of state, third party check clears her bank...
Ms. Plushbottom is shown below in healthier days practicing her profession...
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