In what is being touted as the strangest wedding in poofter history, midget lesbian Deputy Dumpy Bunny, formerly of Montgomery County Precinct 0 and now assigned to the Hobby Airport Poofter Police, has married herself in a double ring ceremony...The "rings" refer to the circus rings installed in the wedding chapel of the Temple of Our Lady of Diminished Virginity by the owner/operator/pastor, Father Lefty...
Sensing a sure-thing publicity stunt for his fledgling nuptials business, Father Lefty encouraged a circus-like atmosphere in a tent erected next to the Hobby Airport Bath House & Poofter Emporium where the pastor also earns a living as a towel boy...Father Lefty said in a press release, "This may be the deputy's last chance to marry as no one else is likely to take her hand; at least not while sober"...
The wedding was self-financed by the deputy from her earnings as a part-time night guard at a nearby piano-roll museum operated by an elderly, eccentric former CIA pilot, and now unpaid advisor to the Houston City Council...The engagement photos were taken by the deputy at a scenic plywood pool at the same location, using a self-timer on her iPhone...
Records obtained by this publication indicate that the deputy has been engaged or married numerous times to upstanding, but gullible men, and occasionally women...The most recent wedding was to a now retired, reclusive and far less wealthy former firearms dealer who, when asked to comment on his marriage, mutters only unintelligible, profane gibberish while waving his cane wildly...
It is said that in her search for a new victim, the deputy could find no one to accept her proposal, as all eligible bachelors seem to be aware that their pockets will begin to empty as soon as the vows are spoken...Ms. Bunny then made the unique decision to marry herself, although it is unclear how she expects to profit monetarily, other than as a tax deduction to herself as her own dependent...
Father Lefty served in a dual capacity as he not only performed the marriage, but also gave away the bride (with a strict no-return policy)...Father Lefty's brother, and operator of a popular male lingerie boutique, RHM also did double duty as both flower girl and matron of honor...
The honeymoon will be in an undisclosed location, although it was learned that one of the wedding gifts was a large, battery-operated "entertainment device" from RHM's boutique...Father Lefty offered to video the honeymoon night as part of the packaged wedding but his offer was declined...
Always smelling a potential profit, famed divorce attorney, Mr. C.N. Spitt, Esq., pressed his business card into the bride/groom's hand saying to come see him if things don't work out...The midget bride is pictured below saying "I do" to herself in her annoying, squeaky voice...
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