As excavation continues at the site of a centuries-old unisex bath house, the spokesman for the group of researchers talked of their latest findings in gay history...Professor Lefty of the Institute for Advanced Lesbian Studies announced, "One thing we uncovered is that the capitol's island's name is pronounced 'oh wahoo' because Hawaiian poofters used the phrase as a traditional greeting when they unexpectedly connected with each other in the poorly lit shower rooms"...
The professor then moved to the most newsworthy item, the evidence of a series of tsunami waves originating from a volcano-heated hot tub which inundated some of the smaller bath houses and massage huts lining the beach...Evidence gathered from wood carvings and stone inscriptions from the era indicate that two new maneuvers were introduced at that time which are still with us to this day...
The first was introduced by a playful but careless towel boy named Kahlu'ahmeke'lefti'moiu'mahikimui (which translates roughly to "where's my tip") when a very large poofter bent over to pick up a dropped bar of soap...Legends tell that the poofter named Dinkiwinki (which has no literal translation) weighed roughly 1,000 pineapples and several stalks of bananas, and after retrieving his soap, inadvertently backed into the extended thumb of the towel boy, a move which became known as the "goose"...
The startled poofter then launched himself forward into a huge hot tub in a move that later became known as the "cannonball" creating a tsunami wave which engulfed hundreds of lesbians and poofters downhill from the upscale bath house...Legends, which were verified by the stories handed down from one gay elder to the next, tell that the towel boy tried to proclaim his innocence by saying he was merely picking a dung beetle off the poofter's thong, but the poofter wasn't wearing a thong, and the towel boy was thrown into the volcano, which has emanated an obnoxious odor ever since...
Professor Lefty further stated, "Our research indicates that even in ancient Polynesia, these fat homos didn't know when to back away from the all-you-can-eat luau"...Shown below is a modern day towel boy adjusting the thong tension on a current Hawaiian bath house client before entering the hot tub...
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