Part of the shroud of mystery surrounding a splinter group calling themselves the Temple of Our Lady of Diminished Virginity, a crackpot offshoot of the Church of Latter Day Saints, was lifted today as their members revealed the secret of their sacred skivvies...The leader of the sect, a shadowy, hooded figure now known as Father X, is said to be a disgraced former minor government official for the State of Utah who was forced into early retirement over a controversy surrounding some counterfeit beer ration cards used to buy Coors beer in Utah's state controlled liquor stores...
After being cast out of the Mormon Church in shame over his contentious forced retirement, Father X wandered the Moab Desert for some time on his antique military motorcycle, followed at a respectful two-pace distance by his first wife, now called Sister Ninja, who was in turn followed by all his other wives on their motorcycles and 4WD vehicles...After some time spent in meditation, Father X felt the calling to build his own temple in the wasteland financed primarily by Sister Ninja's lavish government retirement checks, and sanctioned by the church's Bishop Lefty after receiving a generous tithe on Father X's last remaining VISA card...
The compound now houses not only the temple, where the parishioners hold weekly worship services to St. Britney, but a Ram Truck/Harley Davidson dealership, a Coors distributorship, a Sig Sauer gun shop & shooting range and a Western Sizzler steak house where the devout may enjoy their meals after being blessed by Father X himself for a nominal tip...But the greatest mystery about the group is the unusual sleepwear they are compelled to don before all the wives are tucked into their oversized bed for a "blessing" by Father X...
All are attired in t-shirts adorned with various versions of the Coors beer logo, then after pledging themselves to be faithful only to Father X, he anoints himself internally in a ritual blessing with up to 72 ounces of a golden grain nectar brewed exclusively in a small Colorado valley...All this was revealed today after a visit from Bishop Lefty who was there on an inspection tour, and to collect his percentage of the tithes...
Bishop Lefty also announced he has chosen Father X's compound to celebrate the temple's high holy season, in which they pay special homage to St. Britney...The ceremony will include a "wet holy garment" contest which has mandatory participation by all attractive female followers between the ages of 18 and 30...
Bishop Lefty will bring his own convent of nudist lesbian nuns to the celebration as a special tribute to Father X...Pictured below is one of Father X's wives after putting on her "holy garment"...
Father X replies: "My reporter friend leaves out the best part concerning our new community - your 10% tithing may be paid in Coors or in hard cash. And, as always, concealed carry is encouraged." - as relayed by UTAH Bill
ReplyDeleteMay St. Britney bless you and keep you, my son...
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