Law enforcement officials today are congratulating themselves on breaking an elusive lobster-smuggling ring...Captured in the multi-agency crackdown was professional nude lesbian oil-wrestling champion, Mazola McLeglock, whose only previous offenses have been her questionable choices in romantic partners...
The incident began as Hobby Airport Poofter Police stopped a suspicious truck on their normal patrol of area bath houses...As the truck came to a stop, officers observed several large lobsters crawl from the cargo bed, mostly dazed and holding their claws in the air, some waving tiny white flags...
The officers were unable to approach the truck due to the overpowering odor, and decided to call for backup from INTERPOOF, the multi-national agency which investigates gay crimes...The officers said they were glad it was Inspector Lefty who responded since he is known to be impervious to most offensive odors, although they said privately they can't get very close to him either...
As Inspector Lefty began his interview of Ms. McLeglock joined by newly-assigned probationary investigator, Deputy Dumpy Bunny, the culprit quickly broke down and confessed...She said she frequently is hired by the smuggler gang to drive the contraband-bearing truck after a vigorous wrestling match due to the fact that wrestling leaves her smelling like an over-loaded tuna boat...
As even Inspector Lefty started feeling nauseous, and had to step outdoors for a breath of fresher air near the Pasadena chemical plants, the questioning was continued by midget, lesbian Deputy Bunny...When he returned, he found Deputy Bunny had elicited a further confession of the names of all McLeglock's accomplices, but the deputy could not immediately explain why her bra and boxer- style panties were hanging on a coatrack while the now-nude Ms. Leglock was wearing her hat, and a strap-on "entertainment device"...
The suspect later claimed she would have confessed to the Lizzie Borden murders just to get away from the deputy's screechy, annoying voice...Since the lobsters were all underage and showed signs of abuse from being exposed to Ms. McLeglock's overpowering fishy stench, PETA was notified and are said to be pursuing their own charges, at a safe distance...
At arraignment, Ms. McLeglock's attorney of record, Mr. C.N. Spitt, Esq., stated he would be calling in his expert witness, famed PNW sport fisherman Nox, although prosecutors are confused because Nox is an authority on crabs, not lobsters...Shown below are the lobster victims being housed in an impromptu compound while awaiting adoption by diners at a nearby Red Lobster Restaurant following a bath of boiling water and melted butter...
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