In an early roundup of the usual suspects, the miscreant was initially and mistakenly identified as Father Lefty of the Temple of Our Lady of Diminished Virginity...The error was realized when it was remembered that Jehovah's Witnesses ride bicycles when delivering pamphlets, and Father Lefty cannot be found within 100 yards of a bicycle as part of a court-ordered settlement in an earlier incident at a Catholic schoolyard...
It was further noted that Jehovah's Witnesses all wear white shirts and skinny ties, while Father Lefty practices his religion in his underwear...In a public apology, midget lesbian Deputy Dumpy Bunny of Montgomery County Precinct 0 on loan to the Hobby Airport Poofter Police, said in her squeaky annoying voice, "While Father Lefty is bound to be guilty of something, this wasn't it"...
This news service, in erroneously reporting the story earlier, regrets its error, and we apologize to Jehovah's Witnesses for mistakenly associating them with Father Lefty...
Shown below, convent school officials are urging students to switch from bicycles to Segways, as they have no seat, and it is known that Lefty does not have a foot fetish...
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