Television review...

Entertainment reporter Dan files this story on last night's programming, "As you know, Lefty has been working long and hard, but that's another story, to get on 'America's Got Talent' TV show with his song and dance act. He made it and last night he performed an old Revolutionary War song first sung by George Washington and the Cherry Tree Coppers - 'Do Your Balls Hang Low'. Lefty got through 'Do your balls hang low. Can you swing them to and fro. Can you tie them in a knot. Can you tie them in a bow.' But, overdid it on 'Can you throw them over your shoulder like a European soldier'. Lefty was taken to the ER where he is now being treated for a dislocated shoulder and a sprung scrotum."

Editorial analysis: Lefty has been warned many times that he gets too much iron in his diet...Pictured below is a page from Dr. Tchytz's scholarly article chronicling the incident for the Journal of Poofter Medicine...

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