Internet giant Google has hit on a low-tech idea to stop the theft of its high-tech gadgetry...Long known for its "Street View" feature on GoogleMap, their roving video units hit a snag when they reached the crime and poofter ridden Hobby Airport bath house district of South Houston...
No matter what vehicle they drove, the crews were immediately set upon by clever thieves who would steal their cameras, computers, recorders, lunches or anything not securely fastened...One driver lost his Timex watch while signaling for a left turn, and another crew had their hubcaps stolen while driving at 25 miles per hour...
The rampant crime is explained by midget, lesbian Deputy Dumpy Bunny of the Hobby Airport Poofter Police in her annoying, squeaky voice, "There are some unscrupulous towel boys in these bath houses here who have secret peepholes to spy on the nudist lesbian yoga classes, and they sell peeks by the minute to any vagrant with the price"...He/she went on to say that the homeless residents in the area will steal anything to sell at a pawn shop for a quick look at the naked lesbos...
The diminutive deputy was assigned to the case since she is short enough to hide behind a fireplug, and being a switch-hitting lesbian herself, blends into the community well...The perplexed Google crews then noticed that no thief would come near a particular wino in the district because of his overpowering odor...
They hit on the idea of the wino, whose name is Lefty, to wear a camera around his neck as he aimlessly wandered the streets in search of Hamm's beer cans which might still contain a swallow of beer...The idea worked, and Lefty was rewarded for the needed pictures with a daily sixer of Hamm's and a Taco Bell bean burrito...
The camera, of course, was useless to Google afterwards because of the smell attached to it, and they let Lefty keep it to augment a peep-show business he operates on the side when on the job as a towel boy at the Hobby Airport Bath House & Poofter Emporium...Asked if he ever gets in trouble with his sideline business, Lefty replied, "No, there's this midget lesbo with a badge who looks the other way because I let her look at the naked homos through the peephole from her side of the bath house"...
Shown below, Lefty is being fitted for the camera by a Google employee who afterwards checked into a clinic and applied for convalescent leave...
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