While on a routine inspection of one of his rental properties a Hobby Airport slumlord uncovered one of the largest infestations of Pthirus pubis ever recorded in North American poofter history...The slumlord, an elderly. eccentric retired CIA pilot, was hoping to increase the rent on this property to a level which would force the tenants to leave...
He explains, "I converted this shipping container into an apartment for two brothers who work at the poofter bath house next door...I did it out of the kindness of my heart, and now I can't get rid of the two bums"...
The slumlord has been besieged with complaints from neighbors of peeping toms, loud parties and unusual odors...One neighbor who requested anonymity, and will be referred to only as "Ted," suspects the brothers may even be stealing bandwidth from his wireless network...
Unfortunately visiting scientists from the Entomology Department of the Institute for Advanced Lesbian Studies have had the shipping container declared a wildlife preserve by Mayor Parker's Poofter Recreation Bureau...A spokesperson for the institute, Professor Lefty, declared, "My assistant, Dr. RHM, and I will stay on premises as long as necessary to gather information on this previously endangered species of crotch cricket"...
The hapless slumlord has been served notice by Mayor Parker's Soil Permeation District's rent control bureau that he will not only not be able to collect rent on the property, but must provide access to his plywood pond project as well as kitchen privileges to the visiting professor and his crew...
As pointed out by nature reporter Dan, these crabs (seen below) have legs on both sides so flipping them on their backs does no good...
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