Dr. Lefty of the Lesbian Propulsion Laboratory reports good news today for those with trouser snakes which have difficulty mounting slippery mounds...Dr. Lefty explains, "Lesbians who maintain a smooth surface at the entrance to their mounds often find the pathway becomes slippery at the approach of a trouser snake"...
His assistant, scientific researcher RHM, has been working on a mechanized device to be offered for sale in upscale male lingerie boutiques, which may solve problems in other fields...Dubbed the "Rectal Intruder" by volunteer test subjects, it is thought to have promise in gaining traction in lesbian applications also...
Dr. Lefty says his experiments have shown it has a major advantage over trouser snakes found in nature...He said, "My own trouser snake has a problem focusing on the target once within range...It gets distracted by other events on the field and wants to wander away"...
He explained that the mechanized snake has a sensor which keeps it homed in on the target by sensing moisture and aroma...Once it has penetrated the outer layers, it momentarily paralyzes the prey allowing the accompanying natural trouser snake to finish off the job...
Dr. Lefty said his research will involve extensive field testing before the beta models will be released to the public...His observations are expected to be carried out among the lesbian clientele at the Hobby Airport Bath House & Poofter Emporium from which much of his funding comes...
Shown below is an experimental mechanized version becoming familiar with its surroundings in the natural habitat of the trouser snake...
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