Spokesperson and towel boy Lefty of the Hobby Airport Bath House & Poofter Emporium has issued this press release, "The situation was never as serious as these nancy-boys claimed...And now they expect me to clean up their mess"...
Lefty referred to the coffee spill on the steamroom floor as enraged gay clients threw their drinks to the floor in a dispute over temperature...As is well known, poofters insist their iced coffee is served in the sauna every morning, and an unforeseen lack of ice led to their displeasure...
Lefty stated, "And it wasn't 35,000 of them, but these homos are so fat it probably seemed like that many...I had all the ice they needed stored in an unused plywood pool next door, but some smelly old dude emptied it"...Lefty referred to the elderly, eccentric retired airline owner and museum operator who chose this morning for his annual swim, and emptied the pool of ice replacing it with warm water...
Lefty is in negotiations with a retired veteran across the street from the Braniff Street location to rent his refrigerator's ice maker in return for fixing his unreliable wifi network...Says Lefty, "All I have to do is pull the fuse on the smelly old dude's computer while he's soaking in the pool, and the wifi signal will be full strength again"...
Hobby Airport Police detectives have worked the baffling wifi theft case for years and are beginning to suspect a link between the network's source and a neighboring piano museum which also houses the plywood pool...
The undated file photo below shows the reclusive piano museum's owner in a recital...He claims his arthritis won't allow him to reach the foot pedals with his pants on...
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