In what is being hailed as a diplomatic first, a group of Chinese activist poofters have requested the assistance of Secretary of State Kerry in tearing down a wall outside a Beijing bath house...Oriental towel boy and entrepreneur Lef Ti has put up a wall at the entrance to the popular Eastern Delight Bath House where he examines ID's and "packages" as well as accepts bribes before entry...
Beijing activists claim this is a violation of basic homo rights, while Lef Ti says he is merely maintaining minimum standards per international bath house bylaws...Says Lef Ti, "They gotta have ten inches or ten bucks...No dickee, no suckee!"...Lef Ti spoke through a translator identified only as "RHM" said to be part of a cultural exchange from a South Houston bath house...
Secretary Kerry will attempt to intervene on behalf of poofter relations as he had planned a personal inspection tour of the facility anyway...He also claimed diplomatic immunity to waive the customary entry fee...
Update 1: Kerry visits largest bath house in Southeast Asia...
"After removing his skivvies outside the poofter center in the heart of Jakarta, Kerry took a 20-minute tour through the vast building accompanied by head towel boy, Lef Ti..."
It was only after leaving the bath house that Kerry noticed a burning sensation in his posterior...He reported that while being closely followed by Lef Ti in the steam-filled sauna, he felt something like the "prick of a pin"...Authorities suspect he may have actually felt the "prick of a pinhead towel boy" instead...
Embassy spokesmen also report that Kerry could not find his wallet and wristwatch before leaving the locker room...
Update 2: John Kerry to urge underwear change in Indonesia speech...
Secretary Kerry, noting the unusual odor emanating from his Indonesian tour guide, Lef Ti, has requested through official diplomatic channels that an underwear change be completed before the bath house tour resumes...
Shown below, Lef Ti made the news in his after hours career...
Roving correspondent Dan interjects:
"Again I must advise you that Lefty takes umbrage at these dastardly rumors, not to mention the roomers in his boarding house."
Editorial response:
Point # 1: I must remind you, sir, this news agency merely report the news as Google News Service provides it...I also interpret the true meaning of the news items as it is obviously slanted and filtered by the liberal mainstream press...
Point # 2: This string of news stories concerns an Indonesian towel boy named Lef Ti, not your protege and cabana boy, Lefty...Please observe the rules of common courtesy, and refrain from making unwarranted accusations against this humble servant...
Point # 3: I feel compelled to warn you that Lefty has been charging a number of beef jerky sticks to your Spec's account as he picks up your daily Corona Extra ration...
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