In an unprecedented move against her own kind, Mayor Parker has declared war on gay bath houses in South Houston...In a new press release, the mayor said she can no longer ignore the methane emissions from "Bath House Row," or Braniff Street as it used to be called...Said the mayor, "When the prevailing winds changed this spring, the stench blew into Montrose where I live bringing that unbearable odor from the Hobby Airport area"...
The mayor began her battle against emissions by declining new building permits for Taco Bell and Casa Ole franchises within three miles of Hobby Airport, saying that the towel boys and retired CIA pilots who populate the area should limit their diets to tofu burgers and lettuce and celery salads until the EPA declares methane emissions to be at safe levels again...She also put new restrictions on egg salad sandwiches and pickled hard-boiled eggs from the take-out menu of the C&D Burger Shoppe...
An unnamed towel boy at a popular Braniff Street bath house stated, "If they'd just put a cork in the smelly old dude who lives next door, everything would be cool...These fat homos in the locker room smell sweet next to him"...The towel boy named Lefty, who spoke only on a guarantee of anonymity, referred to the mansion pictured below which is perpetually shrouded in a foul smelling fog...The picture was taken at noon on a bright, sunshiny day...
The mayor concluded her press release by thanking all the bath houses and lesbian tanning salons who contributed to her honeymoon fund after her marriage to her lesbo girlfriend...
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