Scientists baffled by mystery soap bar that 'just plain appeared' on Mars...

http://www.ctvnews.ca/sci-tech/scientists-baffled-by-mystery-rock-that-just-plain-appeared-on-mars-1.1646892

NASA scientists have been puzzling over a mysterious object that has suddenly appeared on the surface of Mars in an area that had been thought to be the site of an ancient Martian "shower room"...The object, which is clearly marked with the word "DIAL", has left scientists in confusion over how to approach it...

Most agree that the Mars Exploration rover should be immediately programmed to bend over and pick up the object for further study, however one lone scientist disagrees...Dr. Lefty of the Lesbian Propulsion Laboratory warns against it for fear that an alien probe might be inserted into the rover's aft port while it is in this vulnerable position...

Says Dr. Lefty, "Don't ask how I know, but if this happens the rover will be unable to navigate in a straight line for the duration of its mission"...Other scientists do not concur with Dr. Lefty's fears, saying the risk must be taken to advance man's knowledge of the Red Planet...

Update: 

http://www.newrepublic.com/article/116808/who-owns-moon

“I know I may not make it through this lunar night.” Dr. Lef Ti of the China Academy of Poofter Technology laid the pathos on thick when he gave its lunar robot Jade Rabbit a farewell speech at the end of last month.

The learned Chinese professor of gay sciences was one of the few scientists who agreed last month with his similarly named colleague, Dr. Lefty of the Lesbian Propulsion Laboratory, when he voiced his fears about the American Mars rover...When the Mars rover found the unusual soap-bar shaped object at the site of an ancient Martian "bath house," Dr. Lefty warned against programming it to bend over for closer examination...

With the Mars rover now unable to navigate a straight line due to an alien probe being inserted into its aft port, Dr. Lefty and Dr. Lef Ti are working on a plan to redirect the Chinese "Jade Rabbit" robot to the Martian surface to help the Mars rover...

Since both rovers are equipped with male probes and no female data receptacles, one of them will have to be "transgendered" before repairs are attempted...For this purpose, Dr. Tchytz of the Hobby Airport Sex Change Clinic & Bait Shop will join the staff as a consultant...

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