Scientific researchers have located the oldest petrified sperm yet while excavating a prehistoric bath house in Australia...Professor Lefty of the Institute For Advanced Lesbian Studies explains, "What we found is humongous!...This dude must have been really popular"...
"The fossilized sperm comes from an ancient cave in Australia's Riverslight World Heritage Fossil Site, where "Bat" Guano falling into the water may have helped preserve the cells..."
As followers of the story know, "Bat" Guano was a legendary poofter thought to have visited gay bath houses in the Paleolithic Era...His existence has yet to be proved, but if he left this sperm here, it may provide other evidence...
Research assistant, RHM, tells the story, "Legend has it that 'Bat' Guano had a pecker the size of a modern Louisville Slugger, and left his mark by dragging it through the mud found in early untidy hot tub rooms...The evidence we've uncovered suggests it may be true"...
Professor Lefty also stated that the stalactites found hanging from the ceilings of many caves throughout the world may not be mineral deposits as long thought, but actually the result of "distance contests" between early poofters as they sought dominance in the prehistoric bath house caves...
Shown below, stalactites found in Neanderthal "bath cave"...
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