After an exhaustive study of E-Chaw (or electronic chewing tobacco), Dr. Tchytz of the Braniff Street Sex Reassignment Clinic & Bait Shop has announced his findings...The doctor recommends all users keep their cracks downwind until they are retrofitted with activated charcoal filters for their Fruit-of-the-Looms...
Dr. Tchytz explained, "Our study found that E-Chaw increases gaseous emissions and is at least as addictive as plant based chewing tobacco"...The doctor cited the case of a local towel boy who volunteered as a test subject...He identified him only as "Subject Lefty" to protect his anonymity...
According to Dr. Tchytz, "Subject Lefty is a lifelong user of Red Man chewing tobacco as are most poofters...He was part of a control group who were given a placebo, in this case shredded AA batteries"...The study showed that EPA air quality warnings went into the red alert area every time Subject Lefty placed a pinch between cheek and gum...
In addition the boutique manager of the Hobby Airport Bath House & Poofter Emporium, RHM, reported selling out his entire battery supply to lesbians who complained of an outbreak of thefts from their portable stimulation devices...RHM said, "Sales are up, but I had to double security on my own inventory"...
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