Citing this incident as the "last straw," Monsignor RHM of the Temple of Our Lady of Diminished Virginity has officially and publicly defrocked embattled local pastor and towel boy, Father Lefty...The Monsignor said in a press release, "The temple has revoked Father Lefty's ordination certificate as well as his confessional ATM from which he collected penance from his parishioners"...
Monsignor RHM accused Father Lefty of deviating from the temple's teachings when he ordained his girlfriend, professional nude oil wrestler Mazola McLeglock, as "High Lesbian Priestess" and collected a tithe from churchgoers to worship at her altar for ten minute intervals...The Monsignor obtained photographic evidence (shown below) purporting to show Father Lefty "worshiping" in the priestess' vestibule...
The defrocking took place at Father Lefty's basilica, a converted shipping container behind a Braniff Street mansion...Hobby Airport police in full hazmat gear were on hand to take Father Lefty into custody for violation of local decency laws since he was subsequently found to be nude under his frock...
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