An intoxicated off duty Patton Village towel boy is reported to have veered out of the ditch he was following to his home under the Caney Creek bridge and struck a deputy building inspector who was finishing his rounds of newly installed porta-potties...The driver, tentatively identified only as "Lefty," said he was not intoxicated, but had accidentally overdosed on Luden's cough drops...
Subsequent investigation was inconclusive when Lefty's breath bent the needle on the breathalyzer...Lefty was also cited for failure to provide proof of insurance for the stolen lawn tractor he was driving...
The deputy building inspector, part of a cultural exchange with Apache Junction, Arizona, suffered tire tread marks on his Reeboks when Lefty parked the tractor on his foot...Lefty promptly blamed the inadequate lighting on the stolen Lowe's lawn tractor, stating that Home Depot will get all his business in the future...
Lefty's brother Shifty examined the damage and says it should buff right out...Deputy FredK's Reeboks will be taken to professional shine boy Squatty for an estimate...
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