Roving reporter Dan files the following message concerning Lefty:
"It has occurred to Lefty that some of the reports you report are spoiling his spotless, except for skid marks, reputation. Having been fired from every other job he ever had, he is worried about his job as towel boy in the Poofter Bathhouse, and doesn't want to blow it, although he'll keep on blowing the patrons."
Editor's note: This news service can only report and interpret what the other news agencies write about him...
Lefty should be thankful in the knowledge that nobody could ever have a more soiled, besmirched reputation than his...He should be joyful knowing that even though he has accomplished nothing else in his woebegotten existence, he serves as the best bad example in history...
If he ever learns how to write, he should write a letter to the editor...But first he'll have to steal some stationery and a stamp...
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