Monday, September 22, 2014

Poofter-inspired waterproof adhesive to repair vessels...

http://www.business-standard.com/article/pti-stories/shellfish-inspired-waterproof-adhesive-to-repair-ships-114092200701_1.html

Dr. Lefty, chief researcher of the Lesbian Propulsion Laboratory, has announced a promising new finding which may prove useful in waterproofing leaky vessels...While on assignment to clean and study hot tubs used in the gay entertainment district surrounding the Hobby Airport area, Dr. Lefty and his team discovered an older tub which remarkably had no leaks...

Dr. Lefty explains, "We were assigned to scrape the mucus off the inside of a tub which was used exclusively by overweight homos, and found it to be not only extremely tough, but completely waterproof...My assistant, RHM, flushed some of the scrapings down a leaky toilet in the men's room of the facility, and instantly the commode no longer leaked"...

Dr. Lefty theorizes that the secretions left behind by fat poofters as they frolic in the hot tub can bond to the surface, sealing even the largest leaks...The biggest drawback seems to be the noxious odor associated with the secretions...

Dr. Lefty has an interim solution for the smell as he experiments with the chemical compound to explore its uses...As he states, "There's a smelly old dude who built a plywood pool next door that leaks like a sieve...While he's taking his afternoon nap, we'll throw all the scrapings in there, and see if it stops the leaks"...

If Dr. Lefty's idea works, the pool will stop leaking, and the smell will be covered by the foul odors emitted by the elderly, eccentric retired property owner...Dr. Lefty hopes it will result in a win-win situation for all...

Below, from an earlier news story, workers attempt to remove a dead horse which had been overcome by toxic fumes while wandering too close to a plywood pool in the Hobby Airport area...City officials have been unable to locate building permit records in an attempt to fix blame for this ecological disaster...


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