International Norwegian fugitive Ifar Toften, with outstanding warrants in 37 countries for various morals charges, has run afoul of the law again...Toften has been seen at several border crossings between Norway and Sweden taking snowmobiles from one country to the other while wearing only a bedsheet...
In each case, customs officials have inspected the snowmobiles and found all papers in order with no reports of the vehicles being stolen...However, given Mr. Toften's previous record, authorities strongly suspected criminal activity...
The mystery was solved this week when INTERPOOF, the international gay crime investigation agency, was able to determine that Toften has been smuggling designer bedsheets into Norway without paying the heavy customs tariff...Norway has long collected expensive customs fees on imported IKEA sheets from Sweden, making the already pricey linen affordable only to the wealthier Norwegian poofters...
Toften eluded capture because border guards were reluctant to get close enough to the naked Toften to inspect the bedwear, and merely concentrated on the snowmobiles instead...An all-volunteer fugitive apprehension team is preparing to lay hands and handcuffs on Toften as soon as they have consumed enough Akvavit to dull their sense of smell...
Pictured below is accused smuggler Toften leaving a border crossing checkpoint...
Update: Swedish beaver grinds traffic to a halt...
In a stunning tactical move, Ifar Toften, apparently tipped off about the upcoming INTERPOOF raid, used a Swedish lesbian accomplice to divert attention while he made his getaway...Lesbian nudist activist, Lez Likkerkleen, blocked the apprehension team's entrance to Toften's hideout by laying across the doorway in the nude while Toften made his escape via the back door...
While awaiting the arrival of heavy-duty cranes to remove Ms. Likkerkleen's enormous body from the doorway, officials have re-issued an APB (All Poofter Bulletin) on Toften...
Seen below, SWAT officers try to coax Ms. Likkerkleen away from the doorway...
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