Roving correspondent Dan files this employment report, "Lefty started work at Krogers last month, and was fired today. On his first job in the Meat Dept. running the meat slicer he accidentally backed into the meat slicer and got a little behind in his work. A customer complained she found a Frederick's of Hollywood designer underwear label in her sliced baloney.
Then, Lefty was transferred to the Produce Dept.. A nice looking gentleman asked Lefty .."Do you have corn, whole? Lefty said he did, and took the gentleman in the back room, bent him over and did it. The gentleman complained to the Manager, and the Manager said "I'll rectify the situation!" The gentleman said "No way ... my rectifier is too sore already."
Later, a lady came in and asked for Green Giant Pea Soup. Lefty, who thought he was as good as any Green Giant, went out in the back room, grabbed an empty jar, and made pee soup for her.
The final incident was when the young lady at the small table in the aisle asked Lefty .."Would you like to try a sample of my cherry cobbler?" Lefty said "Sure" , and got on his knees and cobbled her cherry.
Unbiased analysis: In Lefty's defense, if Kroger had checked Lefty's job reference from his previous employer, the Heinz 57 Company, they could have avoided all that trouble...When Lefty was hired, he was assigned to the dill pickle factory...
The first night he went home and told his girlfriend, "They've got me putting lids on pickle jars, but all day I have to work next to this pickle slicer, and even if it's wrong I have the overpowering urge to stick my pecker in this pickle slicer"...
His girlfriend said, "Lefty, you have to resist...You have to be strong...No matter what, don't do it"...
One day he came home and told her, "Well, I couldn't stand it any longer...I held off as long as I could, but I finally stuck my pecker in the pickle slicer"...
She said, "Oh my God, Lefty...What happened?"...
Lefty, looking dejected, said, "Well they fired me"...
His girlfriend was puzzled and asked, "But what happened to the pickle slicer?"...
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