Lefty, called to a UK coroner's court as an expert witness, has testified that the death of a man whose body was found naked and padlocked inside a duffel bag laying in a bathtub, was probably the accident of an amateur...Lefty further testified that he has used this method successfully many times to escape the wrath of a husband who unexpectedly returns home while Lefty is visiting a girlfriend...
Under questioning Lefty admitted he used this method twice this week to escape detection...Once to avoid paying airfare on his flight to the UK, and second on the previous night when he accidentally entered the wrong hotel room, and was surprised by the hotel detective while entertaining one of the hotel maids...He stated that the secret to surviving is to have enough Taco Bell bean burritos in the duffel bag to last during a prolonged search...
Lefty's testimony led the coroner to render a decision of "accidental death" in the case of the spy, and to warn others to leave such escape methods to the professionals like Lefty...The coroner then invited Lefty to visit his own London "men's club" where the members and guests wear only powdered wigs and Union Jack loincloths...
Lefty has once again made court news after his surprise testimony in the UK...Upon arriving on US shores after an arduous journey across the Atlantic as a stowaway aboard a tuna boat following his narrow escape from a group of cloistered nuns in Wales, Lefty has been called as a character witness for former Illinois governor, Rod Blagojevich: http://www.
Reports are that Lefty has advised the former politician to change his hairstyle from his present sissyboy cut to the more stylish mullett as Lefty wears...Mr. Blagojevich's hearing is expected to go well for him as Lefty is accepted as "one of the boys" in Chicago politics...Lefty has also assured the court that Mr. Blagojevich will have suitable employment upon his release as an actor in a series of gay prison porn videos...As Lefty says, with a name like "Rod," he's a natural...
Shown below, the former Governor inquires about the friendliness of his new cellmate prior to introductions...
Shown below, the former Governor inquires about the friendliness of his new cellmate prior to introductions...
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