As we learned last week, Lefty, needing building supplies for his home improvement project, went to Home Depot to get a new roll of duct tape to add a door to the Kenmore refrigerator box he lives in...To recap, a visiting Apache Junction building inspector, assigned to South Houston as part of a cultural exchange, was checking for soil permeability on a palatial estate on Braniff Street when he noticed several code violations in Lefty's makeshift home located in the ditch in front of the mansion...
For a nominal bribe Inspector FredK generously offered to ignore the other violations if Lefty put a door on the box...Lefty proceeded to Home Depot for a roll of duct tape to fasten a discarded garbage can lid to the front of his box-home...This is when he found his borrowed credit card had expired, and Home Depot will not accept a third-party, out of state, post-dated check...
Noticing that the fat cashier kept licking her lips and staring at the front of his pants where he was keeping a Quiznos toasted Italian sandwich warm for lunch, Lefty suggested a trade of service for product...The cashier agreed and after finding a suitable spot for the exchange in the garden shed aisle, they began the negotiation...
Not noticing that her intercom button was activated, her cries of passion on the loudspeaker were misinterpreted by the store's loss prevention officer as a plea for help, and he summoned Houston police to the scene...Lefty's attorney-of-record, the Cascade Kitchen Counselor, has managed to have the shoplifting charges against Lefty reduced to borrowing without intent to return...Lefty was released from custody on a humanitarian request from the other inmates...
Housing and real estate editor Dan adds this, "At this writing, Lefty's lounge box has been picked up by the city Heavy Trash pick-up, and Lefty himself taken to the Mayor Parker Boarding House to be domiciled until the Health Dept. examines and finds him fit, or unfit, for being allowed loose in the city. Lefty himself was noticed as 'quite excited' about moving."
Update: Due to the accidental destruction of his home by a Waste Management truck, Lefty was forced to secure new housing pending settlement of his lawsuit with the garbage collectors...He didn't have to go far as the war veteran who lives across the street from his previous landlord had just purchased a new washer and dryer, and left the boxes next to his garage for pick up later...
After making sure the accommodations were spacious enough (by taking an afternoon nap inside) he negotiated a lease contract with the homeowner, whom we'll call "Ted"..."Ted" said he could live there until the neighbors started to complain about Lefty's distinctive odor if Lefty could find out who is stealing his wireless internet signal...Lefty assured him he was the man for the job and showed him a detective badge which convinced "Ted"...
"Ted's" failing eyesight didn't allow him to notice that that the badge (marked 714) had Jack Webb's picture instead of the usual police insignia...Lefty had taken it from the lunchbox of his dad, Swifty (owner of Swifty's All Night Bail Bonds & Repo Service), who sometimes uses it on difficult repo assignments...
Lefty then quickly sublet the dryer box (while retaining the better insulated washer box for himself) to his brother, RHM, in exchange for two Jack In The Box tacos per day...Meanwhile, Lefty has vowed to "Ted" that he will find the internet burglar if he has to search every topless bar and massage parlor in South Houston...
Seen below is Lefty stretching out in his new accommodations...
Seen below is Lefty stretching out in his new accommodations...
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