On the international newsfront...

Well, as we all know, Mondays are traditionally a slow news day among the South Houston poofter community due to the fact most of them are devout members of the orthodox wing of the Temple of Our Lady of Diminished Virginity, and thus celebrate their Sabbath between 6PM Sunday and 4AM Tuesday...

That being the case, we found this item on the international news desk:

http://www.reuters.com/article/2013/07/05/us-hongkong-ninawang-idUSBRE9630FX20130705

The wealthy Hong Kong billionairess, who was known as Manchu Dong before his/her experimental Danish surgery in the late fifties, died unexpectedly in a mysterious kitchen appliance accident...The last will & testament of the deceased, who is said to descended from Emperor Manchu Dong who founded the Dong Dynasty, has been challenged in court by an unemployed Chinese towel boy whose name cannot be translated into English, but is pronounced: "Lef Ti"...

Lef Ti has introduced an alternative will written ten minutes before his/her death found written on the men's room wall at the grand opening of the Hong Kong WalMart in blue magic marker...The late billionairess's family representatives have filed affidavits showing that he/she had never visited a public restroom and was also allergic to Magic Marker ink...

While the Chinese probate court sorts out the competing wills, Lef Ti faces deportation hearings related to locker room pilfering charges from a Singapore bath house...At press time, no country has been found which will accept Lef Ti if the government is successful in obtaining the deportation warrant...

Update bulletin: The court has rejected Lef Ti's claim of a will written on a men's room wall...Lef Ti subsequently submitted a "text message will" he claims the billionaire sent him moments before his death (seen below)...

More World News articles...