Bloggers and media consultants worldwide are in a frenzy as rumors have gone viral over the true lineage of the heir to the royal throne...The speculation centers on an obscure bath house towel boy who has claimed a quick liaison with the Duchess of Cambridge nine months ago has resulted in his claim to the crown...
It is known that the BOAC flight carrying the Duchess from London to Los Angeles was diverted due to a shortage of sugar cubes for the flight's afternoon tea service, and forced to land at Houston's Hobby Airport...The Duchess had to enter a nearby WalMart for the sugar purchase since hers was the only authorized signature on the royal VISA card...
Having consumed too many Guinness Pale Ales on the flight, the Duchess answered the call of nature on entering the store, and being unfamiliar with the restroom graphics, mistakenly entered the men's room where the towel boy (identified only as Lefty) was polishing urinals as part of a court ordered community service agreement...The Duchess, thinking Lefty's personal attention to her was only a part of WalMart hospitality, did not realize that pregnancy had occurred as a result until her return to the royal palace...
Lefty, whose only experience with thrones thus far has been flushing them, is said to be excited over the prospects of a new position in Buckingham Palace as the royal chambermaid...The salary from this position will all go to child support of the royal baby, but he is to retain any tips received...
Update:
In a fit of jealousy, RHM has filed an official protest concerning being upstaged by a so-called "Town Crier" announcing the birth of the royal baby...As we all know, RHM was voted as the "Town Sissy" by acclamation of the Royal Poofter Society and was expected to make the official announcement...
Between sobs of sorrow, RHM has expressed his dissatisfaction: "I had a new costume all made up for the occasion, and this poofter just barged in and took over...My costume was much nicer too, with brighter colors, more ruffles and laces, and feather boas and everything..."
Diplomats representing Hobby Airport and London bath house members have already announced a high level meeting to discuss the ongoing controversy...Several international poofters have promised probes will be launched to get to the bottom of this situation...
Update again:
http://www.nbcnews.com/
As if on cue, Lefty has caused further embarrassment to the royal family by attempting to gain advantage in the British betting industry by insisting on naming the baby after his own father, Swifty (owner/operator of Swifty's All Night Bail Bonds, Repo & Payday Loan Service)...After trying to call his bet back in after the failed name-fixing, Lefty has been banned from the christening ceremony and is forced to go into hiding wearing a clever disguise (shown below)...
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