Dr. Lefty, chief research scientist of the Institute for Advanced Lesbian Studies, has announced a breakthrough finding in the field of trouser snakes...In his press release, Dr. Lefty said, "It is well known that trouser snakes are often seen flying out of men's pants at the most inopportune time, causing embarrassment and sometimes they arrest me on morals charges"...
In a noble, self-sacrificing decision, Dr. Lefty offered himself as the test subject in an experiment that called for him to visit dangerous locales such as porno movie sets, lesbian nudist colonies and nuns' shower rooms in his quest for the truth...Said Dr. Lefty, "I won't ask anyone to take a risk that I'm not willing to take myself"...
After exposing himself to such danger (as well as to some upset ladies' church groups), Dr. Lefty has concluded that his own trouser snake becomes airborne mostly in the presence of unclothed lesbians as they practice their ritual cleansing ceremonies in a bubble bath...In a control experiment, Dr. Lefty further concluded that many poofter trouser snakes become more active as he passed out towels in the nude in his laboratory at a well-known Braniff Street bath house...
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