"Dear Rich Daddy,
Ever since you publicly offered $114 million to any man who could convince me to give up sex with women and marry a man, I have been pestered by men from all over the world who have only strengthened my decision to remain a lesbo...However I will now give up rugmunching forever and obediently marry any man you choose if you will call off this latest man you have sent...
He calls himself Lefty, and no matter where I try to hide he's always there...He stinks to the high heavens and yet he manages to get by any security trap that's set to catch him...He shows up in the ladies' rest room at the Monte Carlo casino, and then next I see him in the swimming pool at the lesbian nudist club...
I tried to have my sins absolved at the Temple of Our Lady of Diminished Virginity and he was in the confessional taking notes...Please, please Daddy, I'll do anything you want if you'll just keep him away from me...
Yours truly,
Your lesbo daughter..."
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