From today's "Ask Lefty"...

Dear Lefty:

If Google can shrink Androids ( http://readwrite.com/2013/11/25/how-google-shrunk-android-for-version-44-kitkat#awesm=~oofvkysfe0dIID ) is there any hope of medical science shrinking my hemorrhoids?...

Signed, Butthertz...

Dear Butthertz:

With hemorrhoids the size of yours, I recommend naming them and claiming them as dependents on your income tax return...Medical research has enough to do trying to find a vaccine to prevent crabs...

Signed, Lefty...

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Seen below three similarly afflicted poofters help each other walk home from the bath house...

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