Noted speechmaker, Lefty, has been forced to cancel his plans to travel to Ireland in commemoration of the Great Famine of the 19th century due to some minor immigration problems...Lefty has been found to have neglected child support payments since he briefly visited the nation while escaping from a Scottish court on an unrelated whiskey smuggling charge...Lefty's attorney, famed barrister Mr. C.N. Spitt, Esq., had failed to take into account the changing statutes of limitation involving Irish family court proceedings...
The cancellation comes as a disappointment to commemoration organizers...Lefty's family had survived what became known as the Irish Potato Famine by finding a unique place to grow potatoes that was both moist and dark at all times...The method has remained a family secret passed down from father to son in Lefty's family ever since, and he was expected to expose it and himself at the ceremony...The secret method, which is said to be literally the last place anybody would want to look, will now have to wait for a future generation of Irish farmers...
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