Medical update...

Hospital correspondent Dan reports, "As you know, Lefty is on the wait-list for a donor for his much needed brain transplant, and an hour ago Doctor Tchytz called and said they had a possible donor, provided they can pull the plug on his/her life-support machine. However, the donor is a transgendered lesbian motorcycle gang leader with a police record for doing  farm animals and occasionally the monkeys in the zoo, all of which is embedded in his/her brain cells."

Dan reports that a formal request has been filed with Lefty's court appointed guardian to OK the use of this non-regulation brain...Dr. Tchytz is awaiting instructions soon as Lefty's brain has been unplugged, and he seems more light-headed than usual...

Update: His guardian has determined that this brain would be a considerable step up the evolutionary ladder for Lefty, and may get him into more socially acceptable venues such as trainyard hobo camps where he is ordinarily turned away...

His court appointed attorney-of-record, the Cascade Kitchen Counselor, asks if the lesbian donor's penile equipment is available for transplant also as it would almost have to be an improvement from what Lefty was blessed with at birth...She explains Lefty's unpaid legal bills are mounting steadily, and she'd like to see some satisfaction since Lefty insists on paying in trade by mounting her...

While Lefty awaits the final word on whether the donor will need his/her/its brain post-surgery, he is searching for a new insurance carrier since he misunderstood the deductible clause in his policy...It seems most of his penile protuberance was deducted and hence discarded as medical waste...The doctors responsible for this outrage have since been punished for contaminating the hospital landfill...

Meanwhile Lefty investigates new options in the land down under: http://sport.msn.co.nz/nzmenslifestyle/latestnews/8656332/i-have-a-micro-penis

Lefty's pre-op brain scan results are pictured below...

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