Health and safety reporter Dan files this timely brief, "Lefty was detained by OSHA authorities today after demonstrating in front of a local food establishment ... He was demonstrating that Mission burritos cause him to emit greenhouse gases thus causing global warming, plus running his laundry bill up. Federal agents were on hand tracking his efforts, mainly by the skidmark tracks in his under-drawers. The Judge then ruled Lefty must wear an EPA approved emission system, with a 'Check Underwear' light."
Update: While undoubtedly lacking in the social graces, Lefty can never be said to be out of tune with society's need for sound ecological practices...Mission burritos are made from the finest organically pure flour, pure spring water, hormone-free meat and are assembled by Mexican transgendered lesbians awaiting green cards in Obama-approved barracks...
Shown below, a nearby restaurant complies with new laws after visit from Lefty...
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