Civil unrest halted...

A violent confrontation was narrowly averted today between the well-established Patton Village Poofter Emporium and their rivals, the Roman Forest Rugmuncher Appreciation Society...Patton Village, operating under a franchise from the Hobby Airport Bath House & Poofter Emporium, has for decades been the leading authority on same-sex bathing and steam room facilities north of Houston...But their crosstown (and cross-dressing) rivals in Roman Forest have vowed equal rights for transgender, lesbian and those undecided (like RHM)...

The rivalry erupted into near-riot conditions today as both groups claimed privilege in holding their annual Poofter Days celebration in Barney Franks National Park...Well known arbitrator, Lefty, was appointed Special Deputy to settle all differences and immediately went to work organizing activities for both groups...So far the list of events includes teabagging contests, nude oil wrestling competitions, sword swallowing demonstrations and a special hide-the-sausage game for the younger attendees...

President Obama has pledged a guest lecturer from the Air Force Academy who will speak on avoiding prosecution after being accused of sexual assault...

Pictured below is Mr. Obama promising his support and affection in this new coalition...

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