From today's "Where's Lefty" column...

Roving correspondent Dan sends us this for editorial review, "Perhaps you can explain this. Especially since the Conroe Weather Station reported an awful odor in the current forecast and the Walmart grocery section reported several cases of beans were stolen off the bean delivery truck. Lefty, as the usual suspect in air quality problems, was exonerated after the haz-mat team checked his portfolio, which he just bought from Frederick's of Hollywood and had only worn for 2-weeks to date, and which his date, Bertha Bungwadd, said were still edible."

Update after fact check: Following a visit by Al Gore to establish credit at a new carbon dating facility (at which carbon credits are exchanged for "dates" with newly arrived Armenian brides) the ozone indicators were so overloaded as to need calibration, rest and recuperation...The air quality alert for Montgomery county was cancelled when it was verified Lefty had not left the Hobby Airport vicinity...Hoping this clears up your questions as well as the surrounding atmosphere...

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