New evidence in Flight 800 crash...

Accident investigators have uncovered new evidence in the infamous Flight 800 balloon accident on its way from Roman Forest to Patton Village for the weekly nude ping pong tournament...The balloon pilot, Big "Tiny" Balsac, has broken under intense questioning and confessed to having passed his joint to the stewardess, Patsy Possumlips, at the same time a passenger passed gas while consuming the last of his inflight lunch sponsored by Taco Bell...The resulting flame ignited the methane gas keeping the balloon aloft...

The unnamed passenger, identified only as an elderly badminton reporter for the Boca Raton based Daily Shuttlecock, was later found dazed but unharmed in a yaupon tree outside a convenience store in Liberty County which was being raided for possession and operation of eight-liner machines in a gambling sting...After treatment for a bruised buttock in the Liberty County jail nurse's office, the passenger, who called himself Saggy (an obvious pseudonym), demanded to see a lawyer, but found out that the standard bribe to the local Justice of Peace was cheaper...

Meanwhile, towel boy, Lefty, who is always included in the roundup of usual suspects, was cleared of suspicion when it was found that at the time he was part of a chain gang scrubbing graffiti from the walls of a Hobby Airport area Lowe's men's room as part of a community service sentence...

Pictured below is the ill-fated balloon moments before the accident...

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