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As reported by field correspondent, Dan, "Lefty's GF Bertha Bungsworthy was the new record setter in the Kneeling High Jump event at the Patton Village Poofters Parade Grounds.  Apparently unbeknownst to the other contestants, she ate four bean burritos before the semi-finals and Lefty's dog got wind of it and assisted her takeoff."

Update: It has been determined that the assisted take-off is a violation of intramural rules (as Lefty knew when he made his bets)...The prize of one case of Coors or one case of Ozarka (determined by whichever contains the higher content of water) instead went to Ophelia Wankswad whose fashionable butt plug from RHM of Pasadena was pre-approved by the judging panel...

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